Ramble Rambe Ramble

Well nothing new really. I finally finished my puzzle. I know, pretty lame, but I was pleased with myself. Onto the sea scapes! I also gave Addie a special fleabee bath. She did not like that. Not at all, Precious. I'm still trying to teach Jasmine to speak. But every time she makes a noise it's usually when she stretches and yawns. So I will always say "Good Girl" and then "Speak!" right after. Then I say speak again and she bends down as if to stretch. Needless to say, I don't think she's getting it.
The deadline for that charter school I was going to apply to is in a few days. 4 actually. I don't want to work there at all. People always say God has a plan for your life. Well maybe he does but he sure as hell has never clued me in on it. It is only years later that I have been like...oh my, would you look at that...Does that mean it was God or me saying it was? Of course I haven't asked him either. Oh, well there's your problem, I can hear some say. That's crap. He's not like that. There's no bible passage I know of that says God will tell you in black and white what you want to know, all you have to do is ask him. Anyway..
I met with Renae last night. She was pretty cool, had on some nice boots. It was actually pretty nice. She basically interviewed me, which was so great. It was SO refreshing to be asked questions because the person genuinely wanted to know. I guess I felt like since I discipled 3 people and had a bible study and most of my friends had their own stuff to talk about (and I would ask them), I just got plowed over. And because of that I haven't wanted to talk to anyone about myself so I haven't. Barely even myself, which is odd. (I told this councellor lady in Scotland that because of that I was sort of a stranger to myself. I was listening to my Fiona Apple cd for the first time in about 5 years or so and she said that too. Isn't that great? Fiona Apple and I are like this...) Not in Scotland, and definitely not before Scotland in the summer. I felt like everyone's councelor at times. Christine, Rachel, Ian, Melissa, Judy, my family group, my girly girls, Diane...I do not resent these people in any way, I feel lucky to have been someone they confided in. I just didn't do it right for myself, you know? I am really sensitive now to relationships when it comes to that. And asking myself, what do I want from people? I don't want my friends to be my social worker, and I don't want to be theirs. But I do very much want them to trust me and confide in me and know that I try hard to think about what's best for them. So what's the healthy balance? I guess I'm just feeling sort of spent in that department. Although I talked to Kaye for a bit yesterday online and hearing how she is doing and how she is growing just made me feel so happy. I really know that I love someone when I smile at how they are doing and I get tears in my eyes because I am just so moved by who they are. I'm so proud of her! I know that sounds a little cheesy, but my point is that in some ways I do really miss being there for people that way. Encouraging them and listening to them. I just need to figure out how to do it, if that makes sense. I am really thankful for my friends. I miss Kelly and Kaye and Suzanne a lot. And I miss Diane, although that relationship somehow seemed to blow away and I don't know why. I am glad Melissa is in Chicago.
And I am glad for Addie!
I wasn't going to write on here but it looks like I did.