i have magic powers and a gun.

well. it is official. i have a panic disorder. hahahaha. that, plus a history of depression. it's super. i went to the shrinky dink and he diagnosed me in under an hour. hot damn. oh ya, im a goraphobic too, or whatever that word is. so he gave me some drugs which was EXACTLY what i wanted. i am thrilled now. no joke. this is so freeing. no more panic attacks and no more wacko poop inducing fears. i deal with things in a rational, andrea-like manner with no uncontrollable whatnots from here on out. i know some people really have a problem with medications but oh boy not me. any type of growth that i am trying to achieve is being blocked by my dumb chemical imbalances. and im still going to meet with renae and im still going to do deep breathing and probably continue to remain nutso. oh man, i was so relieved after i left meeting dr elliot. i clapped and squealed like a girly pig girl. its amazing. i never have to worry about that feeling again. and that makes me feel incredibly happy. but meeting with him was pretty funny i must admit. basically i know he saw me like a machine and all he wanted to know was how to fix it. so he just asked me a ton of questions. do you have access to a gun? to you hear voices and see people that aren't there? do you experience levels of uphoria and believe that you have super powers. me: man, that would be nice. HAHAHAHAHA! but you know he asked a lot of questions, diet questions, sleeping questions, etc. we think we are all individuals and we all experience things differently. its crap. as far as our oqn baggage goes and our own pains and horrible reactions to things, there are thousands of people who know what that is. im not the only human who has a nutty bowel. and im not the only person who has fears like a mother hubbard. not to limit one's own expereinces, but we just dont need to hold onto that and allow it to define us, you know? like my bro. his add or whatever has caused so much that it does in fact define him. but it doesnt need to, nor should it. but he seems unwilling to change it because that's hes limited by believing that the deck he's been dealt. i just dont know if i agree with that. in fact i dont. anyway, what the hell am i rambling about? tomorrow is a beautiful day off and i am going to play new zelda like it is my fucking jobber. oh ya, dickles leant me game cube. i think i scared jordan cause i was jumping like a bean when dickles showed up with the magical whole foods bag o' fun. i got mario kart and a simpsons game too. hot diggity. if only i didnt have this shit sanding job looming over my head. i would read harry potter and play zelda forever. by the way, game cube is the shit. i made up a new song today. its called "i got a spoon stuck in my butt crack" and the lyrics are "i got a spoon stuck in my butt crack." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. i totally stuck the handle of a spoon down hollies pants in her butt crack when she was reading the comics. so we made up a song. or rather i did and was skipping around the house believing i had magical powers.