ok so men. after the age of, oh, i'd say 2, for fuck's sake just say no to overalls. ok well. so what to write. hmm.. its starting to get colder. my fingers are cold right now and we dont have any heat in this house. we dont have any heat and we dont have any air conditioning.
i went to jordans last night but i had a panic attack. (good news though, i went out to dinner before hand and all was peachy.) it sucked and i didnt want to tell him about it but i did and i feel better about it. as we were going to take the elevator im just like, oh hell no, i cant take that thing right now, and we went on a short walk. you know why i like him, even if just as a friend? i think he brings out good things in people. and me. to be honest, there is a small part in me that would like him to know the me that was leading and "on fire" for god, whatever the hell that means. but all i have right now is broken me still so offended by a shit world someone perfect apparently made. so my life is full of paradoxes. id love to get some sort of picture of that. i wish i was more creative and i could express that in a painting.
side note: one of my favorite things to do is give my dogs bones. if you go near them while they're eating it they stop for a few seconds and look up at you and wag their tales. you can tell how happy they are. its awesome.
i was writing last night how mature i feel this relationship is panning out. at least for me. there is no desire in me to have this boy be it for me for the rest of my life. i remember in high school all i wanted was a boy friend to fill my needs. i was miserable when i didnt have one and would bitch and moan on paper how shitty being single was. and ive been single for so long now and heres comes a person that im attracted to that is becoming a friend. some things in my life would need to change before i started any serious relationship, and ive recoginzed that even before i ever met whats his butt. so im working on it and feeling super good about it.
OOO!!! i just had an awesome thought! YEA YEA YEA! i am really wanting a gross, addied totally farted, oh yes, i am really wanting a discipleship leader or just some woman i can talk to about my questions. and there is this woman who comes to caribou who is awesome, or seems awesome anyway. she brought sandra a big sunflower and we talked about aberdeen because she is studying at cambridge right now. maybe when she gets back we can chitty chat. BITCHIN!
hollie agrees that that word is underused. its thundering. im going to make more tea and read some potter of harry. ahhh....