don't you totally wish it would rain?

argh. so i am going to demonstrate my passive aggressive nature:

i just read this girl's blog and it was about how depressed she's been. so she decided to "claim" things and then speak john whatever "into her life." that was after she went on and on about how life is so painful and how hard it is to wake up and stuff. end of her entry: life was less...less bad shit. and more...more good shit. and that was it. am i the only fucking person to see that as a bad thing?! i mean basically...what the hell? here's how i read this: extreme depression for a long time that lead to suicidal thoughts. read a bible verse. talked yourself into feeling better. i would bet my entire next paycheck that this new life of hers will last only the day she wrote her blog. or maybe god has decided not to create processes for everyone and wave his little wand for some good people who decide to "claim" things into their life.

i dont know why this shit infuriates me so much and brings out all my resentment for mainstream christianity. im telling you i dont see god anywhere here, i only see this girl's christian environment. something like depression can't be solved overnight. i mean of course it can cause you know god can do whatever the hell he wants. it just seems incredibly unlikely to me. and im not trying to judge this person. i just dont understand peoples' "relationships" with god. i dont want that, does that make sense? i dont want to be depressed and then remember a bible verse and go YES! all better! where is the grey relationship? why is it always black and white? i mean thats what i saw here: claim things like i learned at church--check, read a bible verse and speak it into my life--check. ALL BETTER! see?

(obviously im a pretty reflective and analytical person. i completely recognize that this chick isnt me but that i feel like i was sort of doing what she was doing and became incredibly confused and lost after none of those "black and white" checklists worked all the time. there is no relationship with an invisible god in them at all and it makes me sad that maybe just maybe this girl is missing it. obviously i also wrote this more about me than her so please take that into consideration if you are a you and are reading this.)

as my boss says, "i'm going to cut you all!"