roses are red, violets are blue, im a schizophrenic and so am i

i can never seem to resist those stupid add things. like "hit three hearts to win an ipod" "shoot the duck to win 5 dvds!"
so homecoming was this weekend. it was fun. lots and lots of fun. it was SO weird to be back at knox and see people. i felt displaced, especially when i was sitting with some IV people. i just felt SO different from them. moreso than before. i enjoyed seeing them but spending time with kelly kurtz and rachel was definitely the highlight of my time there. i feel so comfortable being myself when they are around. i definitely drank a bit too this weekend. friday and saturday night. whew doggies. i had a blast though. falling asleep is super easy too when you are not sober. no panic attacks or anything either, even when i went with 12 people to Jaliscos.mmmm...Jaliscos.....
Things with Jordan are completely over for me. done and done. im so fucking sick of a guy picking someone else over me. why the hell does that always happen to me? oh well, the dumb ass doesnt even like to read. i saw ian twice this weekend too. that was odd as hell. friday night when i was drunk i IMed him. i was sober enough to know i would have to deal with that im later, but drunk enough to not give a shit. hahaha. and then i saw him again. he looked good as always. although grad school for pop culture? i think deep down he's better than that.
i met with renae today and she wants me to think about how i react to people when i am vulnerable. how do i put walls up in a relationship. pretty interesting and i need to think about it. ok so i had this crazy go nuts dream then other night. i got arressted and drove to the police station in this truck with the officer and this other guy. we had a ton of fun on the way there and were laughing. i was very clever, you see. but when we got there, long story short, the guy wasnt really a police officer but he was posing as one and his friend and another friend who showed up, were going to rape me and film it. im telling you i can remember the look of the room. it was white and there was plaster on the walls and tarps and stuff but still a bed and a movie camera and some lights. i woke up soon after when i realized in the dream that i was trapped. yowza! well on a lighter note i think i am going to make some hockolatchach and read. BECAUSE READING IS FUN! i realized that reading a good book is like having a relationship with that book. you know what i mean? there is nothing else like it because it's your imagination that really creates the characters and the situations. i just love that relationship.
funny quote from my mother (which wasnt intended to be funny, you just had to be there while we were driving):
"whoops, better not run over the cripple!"
HAHAHAHAHA
oh brother. peace out.