well tonight is getting no stars at all. i was supposed to do something with this one person and she never called. then i texted 4 people and the only person to text me back was hollie, and im giving that a stretch. ive been up since 4:40am and im not very tired but maybe i am cause im pretty pissed off. i feel totally ditched right now by pretty much everyone. i feel so damn stupid. i look at my work situation.i hate that but am waiting to hear from places. and ironically im waiting to get a fucking call from a friend, altho i did give up on that for tonight. i just dont think either is gonna happen. so now what. part of me just wants to move away and never even say anything. yes, i know, im feeling sorry for myself, very sorry for myself. so fucking what else is new. the only place i really complain about how im really really doing is on here which is fine since its mine anyway. but i want to. i want to complain and beat the shit out of something. and i want to yell and call names and throw things that will break. and i dont want anyone i like to ever ever ever pick someone over me ever again. i fucking hate that! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO