I'm at Starbucks again. But I'm very uncomfortable for a variety of reasons. For one, I think anyone who wants can read over my shoulder. And two, you know what coffee does to a girl like me, right? Comes right out, that's what. So I went to the bathroom to fix the problem but you can't very well shit in a public bathroom if someone is sitting in there as well not making a peep, clearly also taking the advantage of a crapper. So I just flushed and left. Then I walked around a bit and came back and the lady with the orange shoes was still in there, silent as the grave. Lovely....

My cousin and his friend came over to the condo last night. It was great, although we got the security guard called on us. She's like, the guy downstairs called and said you guys were too loud. I looked behind me and was like, "um...we're watching a movie." She clearly knew the guy below was a tard but still had to do her job. Oh well, it definitely put a damper on the mood. Ok, so some back-up. My cousin is named Danny and I've always thought maybe the kid was a bit of a poser although he's funny and smart as hell. I couldn't believe what he looked like. He has half a shaved head, the other half is long and shaggy. He also has a rat-tail. He was wearing a black t-shirt and had a pack of cigarettes rolled up on one sleeve like the fucking Fonz. Then he was wearing these tight stone-washed tapered jeans from the 80s tucked into Rebok classic high-tops. What the fuck...seriously...Oh well. His friend, however, was mighty cute and normal looking. They have been best friends since before high school. We sat on the balcony for a while finishing up some wine and listening to music. After that we walked around for a bit and had dinner at Chi-pot. Mm!! But this is the same Chi-pot I went to when I went to American University. It is actually down the street from the condo. Every 15 minutes or so I would be like, I fucking hate hate hate this place. Everwhere I looked reminded me of something. Like the 7/11 reminded me of cigarettes, lunchables and bananas. On the way back we walked past my old dorm. It looked the exact same. Poor guys had to put up with my complaining and whinning. I needed to at least see it tho. And I'm glad I did. Now I never want to see it again. So then we went back to my apt and sat on the balcony for a while. Oh ya, we bought 2 bottles of wine. I almost bought this pomegranate marguarita mix but decided against it. So when we got back into the apt. I looked to see if we had any tequilla or marg. mix and lo and behold she had the exact same pom. mix and really good tequilla!!!!! Hot diggity! So we made drinks and I drank out of the blender. Those boys are hillarious and it was really nice just to be around people who make me laugh. I also got to share with them how I was feeling and just have fun. At Chi-pot I told them about op-ish and the bong language and we made up a new language called "ini." Basically, you put "ini" after every letter. So my name would be anini nini, dini, rini, eini, anini. The faster you say it the funnier it is. Then, holy crap, we watched Godzilla vs. MeccaGodzilla. And I think this is why we got security called on us. The movie was fucking outrageous and like an acid trip or holy shit I have no idea. I still am not quite sure if I was just dreaming or if I really did watch a movie where when the guy got shot in the face he turned into a man with a gorilla head. Did that really happen? Oh lordy, I don't know. After that we smoked again on the balcony and then they left. I had to wash the window sliding door because Danny ran right into. It was so funny. He's like, "I have never done that before in my whole life." I was laughing my ass off. It's not like he bumped into it, he walked full force into this door. Dumb ass. So I had to take out the organic and toxic-free window cleaner this morning and wipe off his grease marks.

This neighborhood is really ritzy. I don't feel like I fit in at all. It's weird because I live in a wealthy neighborhood at home so you would think I'd be used to it. But I'm not and really dislike it.

I talked to Mom yesterday. She told me to look into the mirror and smile and say out loud "I am happy." hahahaha! Ya, I definitely made fun of her for that. I'm feeling pretty discouraged about a job. Nothing is looking too promising and I can say I am doing my best to find something. The only thing that is is this shit data entry position. I would be miserable. I feel like I have no experience, no specialties, no real skills. I think I'm a good teacher and a great leader...so? Teach? Ya fucking right. And lead? Lead what? I just don't know. I realize having all the answers at this point in my life is pretty unreasonable but I'd at least like to have some sort of goal. And that's the trouble, I have no long-term goal. I love being on my feet running around. I love managing others. I like organizing and problem-solving. I'm a good worker. So what should I do? I need money too. I hate having nothing. I would take a crap paying job if I didn't have loans, or if I had a car and an apt. But I don't have an apt or a car and I have tons of loans. I do not want to live at home at all any more. I love independence. But I love my family. I think maybe moving to DC is a good long-term goal but maybe not yet? I don't know. I'm rethinking Chicago. I wish my dad would send me this guy's email address so I could pursue the World Vision position. A huge motivator to relocate to DC was pursuing a stronger more focused spiritual life. But now Heather and Amy and I, possibly Andie (haven't discussed it with her) are planning on meeting once a week. I miss that. And I think I could be honest and I think those women would pray for me and with me and support and love me. And I want to be that for them too. It's like in the OT when whats his butt's only job was to hold up Moses' arms. I feel like that is why I pray for people. Or rather, why I need to pray for other people. I can't make them hold up their arms if they refuse to, but I can support them when they get tired. The arms, not the person, hahaha.

So what should I do these last few days? I have plans Friday night. Family BBQ! WOOP Woop! Not nervous about that in the slightest. My mom's family is so awesome. They are brilliant and funny and the most down-to-earth people. They really care about me too even though we've always lived so far apart. Another reason I can't move to DC is Hollie. She needs me to help her plan a wedding. I would regret not being there for her to do all of that. Maybe God doesn't really give a shit what I'm doing. It's not like I'm getting married. It seems like a huge transitional period in my life but really, it's not, right? I don't think so. If you are faithful and obedient and surround yourself with opportunities to grow, how could he disapprove? I get really frustrated with the whole "purpose driven life" mentality. "Everything happens for a reason" blah blah blah blah. Oh really? I'm not too sure I buy that. Oh man I have to pee.

So I'm going to go down to the mall. Not like the mall but the MALL mall. I'd like to sit by the relecting pool dealy and read Hebrews. Oh man. gotta pee. bye.