My Dad has picket fences and tassels on his shoes.

I have a lot to report and I feel like putting it all down. First the short carp: Hollie thinks our hairlines are very bizarre indeed. You should see them. CRAZY. Um... Oh YA!!!!! I totally bought a model boat today from Hobby Lobby! hahahahaha! Hollie and I went to Hobby Lobby because I wanted to get something to do that would be fun to accomplish. We looked and looked and since I temporarily have no money and was borrowing some from my mom I wasn't able to get the cool birdhouse for my dad that I want to make him. So instead I bought a model boat to put together! HAHAHAHAHAHA! It's all cheap ass and plastic but it rules. I will put pics on here and you can laugh and me because I know I will look like a goddamn 5 year old and his boat. Hollie's boyfriend came over tonight and I ran up the stairs and said, "Nate! Nate! I bought a boat!" And I showed him and he said, "So the job search is not doing so well, eh?" And I said, "mm..Not so much!" I was laughing my ass off. A boat! Oh wait. It's not just any boat, but Captain Kidd Pirate Boat with people and everything! Even a "detailed canon!" HAHAHAHAHAHA. I should write a song about my boat. If you would like to, please feel free.

Ok, more importantly. I met with Renee tonight. She rules. I don't know if I've mentioned but she's always giving me stuff, which really makes me feel super. And not like clothes and food and carp, but like exercises for panickyness, books, seminar brochures, etc. Tonight she gave me this diagram that is called, "How the Good News Became the Bad News." And she also gave me a Myers Briggs test! Of course I immediately took it when I got home. I didn't like the results at all so I took it again. Same thing. Hm.. I agree with two of the letters, the other two I'm not so sure. My cousin who is here is the exact opposite. EXACT OPPOSITE! Just like Judy I bet.

Me and BR had a long talk tonight. Nothing in particular really. Not only do we argue on little things, can't communicate well, and have nothing in common, but we also don't agree on anything. Poor sentence but you see what I mean. Yowza. Why would I start a conversation about God with a super conservative fundamentalist Christian who is a MK, a Wheaton College Student, and a first time reader of Harry Potter (she avoided it because of the DEVIL!)? Why? It wasn't that bad, but boy howdy, we do not agree on much. Raise your hand if you're happy you're not in a "community" right now. OOO MEEE! Talking to Renee about God is enough for me. The last thing I want to do is debate about God's character and the reliability of the bible. I've done that for the last 2 years and I am fucking spent. SPENT! No more bible studies that squeeze God into my pirate boat. No more churches that want you in a mold. Nope, nope, nope.

Oo! My scarf got washed today! It was looking a little yellow so I asked my dear mother to stick 'er in and voila! (Not to be confused with "viola"...the most useless instrument in the world besides a woodwind. hahaha.) Remember, I say a lot of things I don't mean in this blog to make a point. I do believe, however, that woodwinds (I initially spelled it as "would") are poopy.

In all seriousness, I don't really know what the hold-up is on me pursuing God again. I really don't. Fear, confusion, doubt, disillusionment, laziness, lack of self-discipline, perfectionism, not accepting particular things about myself, lack of faith, lack of trust, no community, not wanting to deal with old issues. There, I think I answered my own question. I guess I do know! The reason I bring this up is because tonight while talking to Renee I wondered why I was so opposed to being a Christian, and the things I was telling her I was questioning in my head. The more and more I think about all of this I realize there are few black and white issues. I am glad that I am on the fence..god damnit, I hate dial-up and MSN! Oh yes, on the fence. What a nice fence. Ok, this computer is ass and the monitor is making a very high-pitched noise. Auntie Bonnie is coming tomorrow, oh boya.