disclaimer: ive got my bitchy pants on

well today has been a frustrating day. i realize i am kinda dramatic but i try really hard not to be. i just am so passive aggressive and i dont let things slide off the way they do to some people. i dont want to get angry but i do want to express how im feeling. ok heres the thing. at our store this new line of food is coming out and its a huge deal. its going to be pretty complicated at first because its very detailed and us shift supervisors have a lot of inventory, etc. to get used to. you would think the manager would be there to help us, right? wrong. she has decided to blow us all off and take the week off (nothing was set up today. shit was stil in boxes and it starts tomorrow at open). its bull shit. so we have to figure it all out on our own. shes also showing up to her shifts like hours late. and theres this kid kevin, who rules, and she thinks so too because every shift he works she works. also, when you work with the manager you dont have to split tips and get to keep them all. everyone has noticed this and is pretty uncomfortable about their lack of professionalism: i.e hugging for 40 minutes. and then i have to deal with it and try to play it down. but its pissing me right off because she needs to be mentoring people, so-to-speak, and not showing up late to hang out with her friend. and now this whole food thing. oh ya and i havent gotten my goddamn raise yet. im still doing all the work of a manager but getting paid like a regular worker. this is bull shit and i just feel like im ready to throw in the towel. im way too smart for this crap. in fact this guy who knows my dad and who i met in little rock (he makes the Pover-tees) wants me to go live in Rwanda with their family and help establish a bank and shit. see thats the kind of stuff i could do but i still dont feel ready. the good thing is that im moving in that direction. i also have my room to sand and paint and hollie is coming back soon and so my dads getting pissed at me for not doing it. also, we've got this shit reunion coming up. ive also been feeling pretty empty lately too. i feel kinda lazy again and get frustrated when things dont go my way, which is really not good. just all this stuff is on my mind today and what i really want to do right now i cant do-which is to have a great piece of ass. hahaha. but seriously, i'd really like some sex. i hear that solves your problems. no? well, i'd still like to give it a whirl. i took a shower when i got home and tried to calm down because i had such an angry tight feeling in me. i tried 3 times, if you know what i mean, but i still feel kinda frustrated. i wish i had a punching bag. i should buy one just so i have something to beat the hell out of. i made chocolate chip cookies recently and i stupidly left the bag up in hollie's room. point of story addie is outside now with a stomach that is as hard as a rock. we are hoping shell throw up out there. oh ya, other point: unfortunately, addie is not something i can beat the hell out of even if i do want to drop kick her down the stairs. argh. i wish i wasnt at home. i think a lot about my apt. in galesburg when i was all alone when both melissa and judy were gone. i smoked cigarettes and was just by myself. i wish i was there right now. it was so peaceful and it was all mine. like if the world blew up id still be in there smoking cigarettes all by myself. mom made pie. its time to put my more content feeling less sorry for myself pants on now. see you.