My mom just made me coffee! That's sweet. She's always trying to keep me "regular."
Well well. What to report? How about I start with the first thought that comes to my head? Ok! Diane called me Andrea the Nipple Face. Just because I like to sucker people's fake stupid nipples to my face doesn't mean I deserve such a title. Oh wait, yes it does :)
My dreams are so irritating!
Oh, and that cake I made? Damn! It was good. I made the icing and everything. mmmm...I came home from meeting with Renee and ate a ginormous piece. My dad said that the first third would satisfy my taste buds and desires but the rest of the two-thirds would be stuffing my face. Point of story: last bite: me = "Dad, I am still satisfying my tastebuds and desires."
I took this test to see how much of a Taurus I am. 40%
The element I am is fire. Most of the tests were incredibly wrong and I ended up yelling at the computer and asking it what the hell was wrong with it.
Hollie said she needs to get me on a date so I can wear my pink shirt. Gross. I hate Ska music. I need to go on a date to wear my new Kenneth Cole's! ahhhhhhh.hahaha
But seriously, guys, I really need a job. I am smart and my resume is kick ass but I just don't know what I want to do. Renee sort of hit in on the head: The reason I want to help women, or people living with HIV/AIDS, or work for an INGO is because it was a response to my slot machine relationship with God. Now that that relationship is dripping with disillusionment, I feel kind of lost and not really eager to do those things. It's like part of me is gone, yet I am not sure if I want that part back. Well I know I do but not like it was before. Anyway, it feels like I'm only searching for a job that requires you to be bi-lingual and I'm not. But that's the only job I want. Does that make any sense? Ya, it's kind of losing me too. Anyway, I'm feeling good about letting stuff out but I'm kind of wanting to return to my old self. I mean, I would stick some fake nipples all over myself any day of the week, but I'm just ready to get going. That's a good thing.
posted by QueenAtotheM @ 12:18 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I want cake and kenneth coles, you snatch pants.
What do you meann about having a slot machine relationship with God? What an interesting way to put it.
Miss you, nipple-face!
Diane the poor
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From this book I am sort of half-reading until I check out my other book:
"For me, however, there was a mental wall between religion and God. I could walk around inside religion and never, on any sort of emotional level, understand that God was a person, an actual Being with thoughts and feelings and that sort of thing. To me, God was more of an idea. It was something like a slot machine, a set of spinning images that dolled out rewards based on behavior and, perhaps, chance.
The slot-machine God provided a relief for the pinging guilt and a sense of hope that my life would get organized toward a purpose. I was too dumb to test the merit of the slot machine idea. I simply began to pray for forgiveness, thinking the cherries might line up and the light atop the machine would flash, spilling shiny tokens of good fate. What I was doing was more in line with superstition than spirituality. But it worked. If something nice happened to me, I thought it was God, and if something nice didn't, I went back to the slot-machine, knelt down in prayer, and pulled the lever a few more times. I liked this God very much because you hardly had to talk to it and it never talked back. But the fun never lasts."
Not saying this is completely me, but I definitely relate. See? You can waste time by copying from a book if you have no life :)
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