Johnny Depp makes my ovaries somersault.

ahoy. so this weekend was fun. i saw narnia and had a great free dinner afterwards. I went with Hollie for her bday and invited Jamelyn and Andy along. I had a great time with those two. I still can't wrap my head around Narnia in terms of whether or not I liked it. I definitely enjoyed it but I don't think it is a good theater movie, if that makes sense. It was slow moving in the beginning, although I loved the beginning because it was beautifully done. Lucy was an amazing little actress and watching her go through the wardrobe was something special. Aslan was also pretty cool, although I wish he had a more central role. I will have to watch it again. I also have to see HP4 again too, dag namit. I am so stoked about it. I want to go now! But I have to see it with Jordan to hold his hand so he doesn't get too scared. Last night was Heather's soiree or fiesta. Tres fantastique! That girl knows how to throw a party with the best food and drinks ever. MMM! Pears with cheese and bruschoooto. Ya, I have no fucking clue how to spell that. Bruscuitto? I dunno. Today I met with Sandra to go over again this Shift Supervisors meeting. I think she was drunk cause every other word she said was fuck. I was starting to feel uncomfortable because she was getting quite angry and worked up. Basically our meeting consisted of her going off for about 45 minutes with me paying attention and whenever she would ask, "you know what I mean?" I'd nod or say ya or totally or something. It sucked. The boys were here this weekend working on the house. It's gotten so much colder since there're no walls. I am wearing this huge old Adidas jacket right now actually and drinking tea. I am kinda sick too. Tomorrow I don't meet with Renae which is nice since I don't have much to talk about, nor do I really welcome that anymore. Before, all I wanted to do was have soupy poopy of the mouth with her. Now that we are actually to the meat of stuff that can't be solved in like one session it's a lot harder for me to willingly go. Perhaps if I brought the Dunkin Doughnuts coffee to the appt. it would be better. Hmmm...I don't really know what else to write about on here.

So I'll make a new paragraph.

Nothing too interesting has happened lately. Today Sandra said something about having a sleepover if she was too drunk to drive home and that she would sleep in my bed and we would cuddle and then I would love her. And I told her in response that love is not conditional. I don't know, I just totally heard myself saying it and not really thinking it beforehand. I don't necessarilly believe it myself but I enjoyed telling her that. If someone told me that in response to something I had said I'd say, since when? I'm almost finished with Blue Like Jazz. I think I have less than one chapt left which is a bad sign. I never stop reading at the end of a book. I guess I was just exhausted last night or something but anyway, his main point in this one chapter was that accepting God's love is pretty damn important. Of course, he's a good writer so it actually sounded good, but I got quite a bit from that. All I want is to accept that God loves me. Can you imagine how your life would change if you were to believe that? Mine sure as hell would. Course there's the whole believing that Jesus is love and blah blah blah, that I'm not quite sure I completely buy still. I want to though simply because it sounds so great. Loving people and helping them. Giving people crap and being holy. Dying to yourself. Sounds kinda nice. I suck ass at all of it though. I read also in BLJazz that my money is God's money. Hahahaha! It really stumped me to be honest. Like, ya, no shit, I've heard that few gajillion bajillion times (always from rich ass white bastards) but I had forgotten that because my money is really mine. I earned it. I punched in to get paid. I trained and I signed forms to get insurance. I went to the bank and set up an account and I deposit my check into my account with a password no one else knows. It's my fucking money and I spend it on me and occasionally other people if I have extra. Am I wrong? Yikes! It's God's money? Well spank my ass and call me Susan. And let me just say as I am thinking of all of this still, being a follower of anything, especially Christianity, is hard as hell and I am no good at it. Not at all, Precious. I can't commit to it because it seems to hopeless. I need to tithe, I should love my neighbor as myself. I should accept God's love and grace. I should pray every day. I should go to church. I should think of all the shit I do wrong and then ask for forgiveness. I should enjoy God through nature and other things. I should be still. I should talk to people about their faiths. And I should not have the attitude of what I "should" do. Does that make sense? It's exhausting. And all the while I'm in this relationship with the creator of the world who I cannot see, hear, feel, taste, or touch. I mean seriously, what the fuck is all that? OY. But I still must say, it sounds mighty nice and I'm going slowly but surly knowing that I'll never really get it and never stop doubting. Isn't that great? Riiiiiiiiight.

Anyway, as we've been ripping apart the walls we've found a bunch of old shit in them. Our house is about 100 years old and we found a baby's first birthday card from 1939 and a doctor's reminder appt. card from 1941. Pretty cool, eh? There were a bunch of old playing cards and giant puzzle pieces too. I play cards and even got a new puzzle yesterday (although it's an ugly one my mom picked out). I've written a lot and I want to go sleepy now, or at least get into my toasty bed. I have three days off this week. That sucks my left one but I might be getting a raise! We shall see. Ta ta.