i bought 5 new cds. oh well. here they are:

-garden state soundtrack
-greys anatomy soundtrack
-peter and the wolf narrated by david bowie
-oh no by ok go
-postal service

not too impressive in my mind actually. the postal service one i just decided to finally fucking buy and the ok go one is alright as in there are 3 songs that i like. they are shit-tastic musicians. im super stoked about the peter and the wolf cd and the other two ive just heard are aight.
i got my period a bit ago and im feeling blah blah blah. and i was eating dove dark chocolate and my mom took the bag and put it down her shirt. i am going to work on my resume. ive decided to apply to be a manager at caribou. ive been learning and asking a lot of questions about caribou's commitment to sustainability and it's quite impressive for a corporation actually. i went to this managers meeting yesterday and learned that by 2008 caribou plans on 50% of its coffee to be rainforest alliance certified. and they are not going to stop there. that makes me a lot more excited to work for them. not that i am helping anyone but that at least my job tries to improve areas within the third world. is that a stretch? caribou is also a donor to coffee kids and grounds for health. not bad, eh? my footsies hurt and my pay check sucks the big one. and i doubt richard will wear a gorilla suit on monday. my mom made the most fucked up dinner tonight. she doesnt like to cook meat very often (which i am a fan of) and so she got these organic noodles with puree spinach sauce. the noodles smelled like a stable. and our salad? cucumbers and tomatos. im like, what the hell, mom. hahahaha. and when she prayed she thanked god for the delicious meal and we all bursted out laughing cause we all knew that meal was crap. hahahahahha. no, im just kidding. well sir. i need to get these bags cause i bought halloween presents for everyone at work. and i am trying to work on my room and i am also still needing to sand the windows in here. but all i feel like doing is eating chocolate (once i find it) and playing zelda and/or reading harry potter. im really tired for some reason. must be the low iron count due to the immense flow of blood from my damn crotch. boo-urns on eve or whoever it was that fucked it up for women! ok chocolate commencing now!

new thing to add to my list of things to do before i die:
drive the street cleaning truck and clean the street!
i absolutely love the street cleaner! there he goes!! they turn corners like woah. can you imagine doing doughnuts in a street cleaner? plus, they get to hang their heads out of the window. hmm.. ya, i would probably run into a parked car or something.
so what else is on my list..perhaps if i write it down now i will remember. well first of all i wanted to drive a monster truck, but after going to a monster truck ralley for my 21st bday i have sinced changed my mind. here comes the street cleaner!!!! YEA! YEA! YEA! YEA! ok. number 2: i want to drive a tank. drive that thing right around the block. and number three: i want to go to an ice skating championship. ya, that's pretty much it for my list. ive been to africa. ive been to new zealand and australia. ive lived in scotland. what else is there? oh yes, have lots and lots of good sex. ok i want to go now. bye

roses are red, violets are blue, im a schizophrenic and so am i

i can never seem to resist those stupid add things. like "hit three hearts to win an ipod" "shoot the duck to win 5 dvds!"
so homecoming was this weekend. it was fun. lots and lots of fun. it was SO weird to be back at knox and see people. i felt displaced, especially when i was sitting with some IV people. i just felt SO different from them. moreso than before. i enjoyed seeing them but spending time with kelly kurtz and rachel was definitely the highlight of my time there. i feel so comfortable being myself when they are around. i definitely drank a bit too this weekend. friday and saturday night. whew doggies. i had a blast though. falling asleep is super easy too when you are not sober. no panic attacks or anything either, even when i went with 12 people to Jaliscos.mmmm...Jaliscos.....
Things with Jordan are completely over for me. done and done. im so fucking sick of a guy picking someone else over me. why the hell does that always happen to me? oh well, the dumb ass doesnt even like to read. i saw ian twice this weekend too. that was odd as hell. friday night when i was drunk i IMed him. i was sober enough to know i would have to deal with that im later, but drunk enough to not give a shit. hahaha. and then i saw him again. he looked good as always. although grad school for pop culture? i think deep down he's better than that.
i met with renae today and she wants me to think about how i react to people when i am vulnerable. how do i put walls up in a relationship. pretty interesting and i need to think about it. ok so i had this crazy go nuts dream then other night. i got arressted and drove to the police station in this truck with the officer and this other guy. we had a ton of fun on the way there and were laughing. i was very clever, you see. but when we got there, long story short, the guy wasnt really a police officer but he was posing as one and his friend and another friend who showed up, were going to rape me and film it. im telling you i can remember the look of the room. it was white and there was plaster on the walls and tarps and stuff but still a bed and a movie camera and some lights. i woke up soon after when i realized in the dream that i was trapped. yowza! well on a lighter note i think i am going to make some hockolatchach and read. BECAUSE READING IS FUN! i realized that reading a good book is like having a relationship with that book. you know what i mean? there is nothing else like it because it's your imagination that really creates the characters and the situations. i just love that relationship.
funny quote from my mother (which wasnt intended to be funny, you just had to be there while we were driving):
"whoops, better not run over the cripple!"
HAHAHAHAHA
oh brother. peace out.

I thought I'd post one of my favorite fairy pictures for viewing enjoyment and for something nice to balance out my raving lunacy.

Oh, be vulnerable, Andrea. Trust people, Andrea. What a crock of horse shit. I feel like the biggest fool ever. So I go online specificially to see if that kid is on and he is and I'm all excited to talk to him. He doesn't IM me so I finally IM him and tell him about how my finger was bleeding like crazy from the can of spaghettios. And he goes, "im on IM and I have a ton of people over so later." and he just signs off. it made me cry. lame, right? i felt like the biggest fool ever. here i was thinking this kid would actually want to talk to me, want to hang out with me and he's like, ya bye. am i overreacting? i dont know. it was just like a smack in the face. i understand why he signed off, im not unreasonable, i just felt rejected and stupid for actually letting myself start to like him. so now i want to bitch smack him upside the head and tell him to never flirt with me again. i mean the last time we worked together he was all flirty and called me hot and other stuff too. and i reciprocated. what the hell is that? do guys just dick around like that with everyone? is it about power? hes on right now and i want to be like, come talk to me later, i have something to tell you. i hate fucking relationships!!!! it took a lot for me to try this one out. it motivated me to check back in a little bit more, which i guess is the upside. cause i am totally stoked about homecoming this weekend. it took me forever to figure out what to wear. not really, but i want to be comfy and hot. ya, now that i think of it, hot doesnt really go with what i brought. but i am bringing mario kart cause i want to play with rachel. i hope she misses me too and is excited to see me. and ill get to drive with kelly. and ill get to see my wee kaye. and kurtzy will be there. ya, thats pretty much it for people i want to see. well, i will probably hack with the tim.
ok i just talked to my mom and explained to her how i am feeling. she gave good advice. i should talk to jordan but im special so i dont need to reveal everything about myself and the way i felt last night is my own issue to a certain degree. but this retarded flirting and bull shit manipulation game has got to go. she said he's abnormal. hahaha. "ive never heard of a guy who acts like he likes a girl and pursues her a lot and then doesnt barely talk to her." i feel a lot better just talking to her about it. ahhhhh....so now i will not think about him. last night when i was imagining me telling him off and putting him in his place i got frustrated and started singing my abc's but in french. hahahaha. okey dokey. i feel better. time for a washa then worky then knoxy!!! weee!! big kahuna...ill big your kahuna right out of here....

Be careful, friends.

this is awesome

So Diane has a post on her blog that says that you should go type in your name plus needs like "andrea needs" and see what pops up. Here are the things that Andrea needs:
andrea needs some help coming up with stalker songs.
Andrea needs treatment -- not a death sentence.
Andrea needs help about Annotator printing.
andrea needs glasses - or do we?
The last thing Andrea needs, quite frankly from my perspective, is to walk fromthe TDCJ Skyview Unit into the public arena
A family for Andrea needs to be active and fun loving, but also very firm andassertive, strong at setting limits and boundaries and enforcing rules.
Andrea Needs Help.
Andrea needs to be interested in me and my problem.
Andrea needs to be able to create written material.
Andrea needs to take a bus to the airport.
Andrea needs a profession inwhich she can express her inventive and idealistic side.
Andrea needs a lot of special care. But she is very quiet and easygoing. She isvery caring. She has a beautiful smile and is very sweet.
Andrea needs some optimal sledding advice, Cannonball!
What Andrea needs to recover is a good psychiatrist.
Andrea needs to be promoted to Commodore Andrea for this one.
As for making it big in the US, maybe Andrea needs to start dating a member of 'NSync or the Backstreet Boys.
Andrea needs to subtract 203 from 299. Which of thefollowing would be BEST for Andrea to ESTIMATE the difference?
Andrea needs to go into detox.

That's from the first three pages. How awesome is that?! I think my favorite is how I need to be promoted to Commodore Andrea. Thanks again to Diane and her fun-filled wastes of time!!

im a glutton for punishment and disapointment. i think ill do a head roll and go to bed.



diane, if you read this i must tell you, i am so appreciative of the head roll. ever since i was first introduced to it it has always been the best way for me to express myself. hats off to you

if you get in my way this is what's coming for you. that's right, pink socks.

i have magic powers and a gun.

well. it is official. i have a panic disorder. hahahaha. that, plus a history of depression. it's super. i went to the shrinky dink and he diagnosed me in under an hour. hot damn. oh ya, im a goraphobic too, or whatever that word is. so he gave me some drugs which was EXACTLY what i wanted. i am thrilled now. no joke. this is so freeing. no more panic attacks and no more wacko poop inducing fears. i deal with things in a rational, andrea-like manner with no uncontrollable whatnots from here on out. i know some people really have a problem with medications but oh boy not me. any type of growth that i am trying to achieve is being blocked by my dumb chemical imbalances. and im still going to meet with renae and im still going to do deep breathing and probably continue to remain nutso. oh man, i was so relieved after i left meeting dr elliot. i clapped and squealed like a girly pig girl. its amazing. i never have to worry about that feeling again. and that makes me feel incredibly happy. but meeting with him was pretty funny i must admit. basically i know he saw me like a machine and all he wanted to know was how to fix it. so he just asked me a ton of questions. do you have access to a gun? to you hear voices and see people that aren't there? do you experience levels of uphoria and believe that you have super powers. me: man, that would be nice. HAHAHAHAHA! but you know he asked a lot of questions, diet questions, sleeping questions, etc. we think we are all individuals and we all experience things differently. its crap. as far as our oqn baggage goes and our own pains and horrible reactions to things, there are thousands of people who know what that is. im not the only human who has a nutty bowel. and im not the only person who has fears like a mother hubbard. not to limit one's own expereinces, but we just dont need to hold onto that and allow it to define us, you know? like my bro. his add or whatever has caused so much that it does in fact define him. but it doesnt need to, nor should it. but he seems unwilling to change it because that's hes limited by believing that the deck he's been dealt. i just dont know if i agree with that. in fact i dont. anyway, what the hell am i rambling about? tomorrow is a beautiful day off and i am going to play new zelda like it is my fucking jobber. oh ya, dickles leant me game cube. i think i scared jordan cause i was jumping like a bean when dickles showed up with the magical whole foods bag o' fun. i got mario kart and a simpsons game too. hot diggity. if only i didnt have this shit sanding job looming over my head. i would read harry potter and play zelda forever. by the way, game cube is the shit. i made up a new song today. its called "i got a spoon stuck in my butt crack" and the lyrics are "i got a spoon stuck in my butt crack." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. i totally stuck the handle of a spoon down hollies pants in her butt crack when she was reading the comics. so we made up a song. or rather i did and was skipping around the house believing i had magical powers.

is it just me or does it feel like spring is in the air? i guess it's just me. damn, i'm dirty.

I just took this silly "find out what political party you belong to" quiz and here's what I got:
You are a
Social Liberal (66% permissive)and an...
Economic Liberal (13% permissive)You are best described as a:
Socialist
You exhibit a very well-developed sense of Right and Wrong and believe in economic fairness.

I do like the color red.

ok so i deleted that last post. it was absolutely ridiculous. thats all im going to say about that.
so im reading this book called attachments and it is super. its all about the attachments we make as children and how that affects our relationships later in life. im only on chappy two but it rules.
i went to the flea market again today which ruled and got this awesome wall dealy. and a pin. and i saw NEWMAN THE PUG!!!!!!! YES!! then kurtzy came over and we chitty chatted, which was wonderful. even if we are different i miss having him in my life. and then i took addie over to jordan's and she pooped on his white carpet. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! now i am drinking a blue moon that kurtzy gave me but its a blue moon pumpkin ale. what the hell, right? right. so weird tasting. nothing like steigl, the best beer ever. kurtzy told me a story about how he was working at starbucks and rachel came through the drive through and when she saw him she went, "you've got to be kidding." i probably woke up the neighborhood i was laughing so loud. good day, good day.