I saw Lord of War last night. People tell me, especially my mom, that I need to see movies that aren't watched for enternainment purposes only. I'm telling you, I get too upset and I hate those types of movies. All they do is depress the absolute hell out of me.

This movie was about a man, played by Nicolas Cage, who would buy guns and later bigger weapons from countries where war was over, and then sell the guns to developing countries for ongoing wars. His most often customer was Liberia. The president bought a big shipment and then gave the guns to his army to kill hundreds of civilians, most likely refugees. The conclusin of the movie was that in most developing countries, their guns don't necessairly have the US President's fingerprints on them, but they might as well. The end of the movie made the comment that the countries that were the biggest dealers in arms were the US, England, France, China, and one other. The next comment was that these countries were also the only permanent members of the UN. It was so fucking depressing. When it was over Jordan said, well that was interesting. Coleman didn't say anything. I went to the bathroom, got on my knees, and pretty much sobbed for about 10 minutes.

It broke my heart. As we all know, I destest guns. This movie definitely supported that position of mine. And Nicolas Cage kept entering and exiting developing countries, bribing idiots as he went. I know I'm not explaining myself very well but that's cause I just wanted to mention this movie but I don't really feel like talking about it at this point. I don't recommend it.

Now, here is something funny. I wanted to post a Spanish comment on Jamelyn's Myspace. So I translated this:

I do not know Spanish but I do know how to use a computer. I am using Megan's example and am writing to you in your new mother tongue. I would like you to come home now. Heather misses you because she feels sad because she is the only girl for miles with big boobs. She said that she misses you because you understand. We miss you! Come home!

And then after it was in Spanish I translated it back to see how funny it would be and it proved successful:

I do not know Spanish but that I know to use a computer. I am using the example and the one of Megan that writes to him in its new maternal language. It wanted that you to house now it came. Brezo him lack because it feels sad because she is the only girl for the miles with boobs great. She said that she him lack because you understand. It needed! Come to house!

Apparantly Heather in Spanish is Brezo. What the hell?

Hey-oh!

How's it going? I am supurb, although my hands feel manly since I have been sanding and scraping all day. Some day off! Last night was a blast, tho. I thuroughly enjoyed myself. Saw my boss's boobs again...twice...I like getting together and being silly once in a while! Although I usually cross a line at some point and I always feel terrible about it the next day. I tell myself that next time I will behave a bit more like a distinguised young lady, but then I stick my coat down my shirt and yell "I'm Heather!" I'm horrible. I did have some restraint, however. A certain person was talking to another certain someone about ear nibbling. Guess who ended that conversation? Me! That's who. Good for me, give me a gold star. But that's all I want to say about that one. (Know that retarded AIM smily girl with the big lips and the sultry face? Well, I would totally insert her in right here if she worked.)

So about sanding, it sucks. I was thinking how awesome it would be if someone was with me talking to me or playing Tribond with me. That's the type of person I am, but would anyone want to do that for me? Like I would love to spend the afternoon reading to someone, but would someone read to me? Oh well. Ah poo, Dad is giving me the "get your ass in here and finish sanding" nod. BOO! So I texted Jordan and told him we were watching LOTR and he thought I was a nerd for writing that. Ok serisously, who is the nerd for not knowing what LOTR is? Um, ya, not me, you're totally correct.

By the way, the right side of my face is becoming very popular. I got kissed there 3 times last night. However, I also rammed my head into some wood panneling and got smacked in the face with Heather's scarf. I didn't fall on my ass though like two unmentionables. "Oh, I'm so strong, I can pick you up." Ya, not so much.

Well, that's a lot of silly happenings in my life. The deeper comings and goings are still very muhc on the surface, at least for me, and I'm still trying to deal with them. Bought a great book today so I might have something to say about it next time. Bye.

Hey-oh!

How's it going? I am supurb, although my hands feel manly since I have been sanding and scraping all day. Some day off! Last night was a blast, tho. I thuroughly enjoyed myself. Saw my boss's boobs again...twice...I like getting together and being silly! Although I usually cross a line at some point and I always feel terrible about it the next day. I tell myself that next time I will behave a bit more like a distinguised young lady, but then I stick my coat down my shirt and yell "I'm Heather!" the next time I'm out. I'm horrible. I did have some restraint, however. A certain person was talking to another certain someone about ear nibbling. Guess who ended that conversation? Me! That's who. Good for me, give me a gold star. But that's all I want to say about that one. (Know that retarded AIM smily girl with the big lips and the sultry face? Well, I would totally insert her in right here if she worked.)

i'm bloggin.

doin ok. i missed my chance with IJM tho. I knew that job wouldn't be available forever. And I missed it. Oh well. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe a super de duper bad thing. I also got my her did today too. Nothing exciting really. It always fades to this ugly brassy color no matter what I do. Stupid red! I can't believe it is Friday already. Here I was thinking it was Monday. Mondays are long checklist days. But this week has been good and it has been shitty. Last night at Matt Chandler club I enjoyed myself. I miss hearing people talk about their faith. I am hoping more people will come. It was weird sharing stuff too, especially when I look back and remember what I actually shared. It's sort of the last story I think I'd tell, but nonetheless, I told it. Guess I still am bitter. I don't know also if I'm super sensitive or what but I feel like people have been shitting on me and I did for once say something for myself, which earned me a high five and me giving myself a pat on the back. Although I did not talk to Nate about his shitty ass comment. And my mom gave me a hug and apologized for her snotty comment. The other two are not my problem. I feel like I need to report new shoes. But alas, no new shoes. I talked to Coleman about money and he was saying that if we look at how we spend our money it can reflect what's really in our souls. Let's look at Andrea's bank statment: Target, TJMAXX, alcohol, food, tanning, hair salon, various mall stores, parking tickets. I think I spend way too much money on me. I don't like that. Becuase then I expect to get whatever I want. And when I don't get my way I treat people like shit and I get angry. And I don't like that about myself at all. I've been telling myself forever I need to donate 10% for this very reason. So I gave some money away earlier this month. My first reaction to the "thank you for your donation" email was, well, I have nothing new and awesome coming in the mail for that. that's ok tho. but seriously. the 8th is my official give away day. so ya, no new shoes to report although i have my eye on some gold ones at target. damnit. i got some tank tops at target today. oopsie daisey.
so ya, i think a bit of yoga, per andie, would do me some good, cause i feel like ripping a few people a new asshole. but i also feel like cuddling with addie.
and oh goodie, i get to see steve and bertoad this weekend. that'll be nice and odd. i hope hum bliddy bloooo doesn't talk about jesus the whole damn time. that makes me want to whip out my bank statement and have show and a lot of tell.

hiya.

momma's sick, boys and girls. i have a headache and a fever. my throat is scratchy. and my sinuses feel like they are in a vice. oh, and i have green snot. also! i just took a shower and today is the second day of my period so my whole body feels like the day after a marathon, and in the shower this slime shit kept coming out. thats the thing we just don't talk about: how much it sucks getting out of the shower and into a clean pad/tampon without getting gross everywhere. i would assume most girls just shower with a tampon so that when they get out all systems go, but i am not like that since i want to be clean clean clean. so tell me, what do you do? i personally have a system like an assembly line from the shower to the toilet. but enought about that. the real reason i am writing is for MICHAEL COLEMAN!

Apparently, I wrote Jordan's name 23 times on my blog and Coleman's only 4. So let us remedy that first and foremost: Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman ColemanColemanColeman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman ColemanColeman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman Coleman.

Ok, that's like 50 times more. So let me continue with my ode to COLEMAN!

Coleman is a broker.
I don't know who he's fooling, he must be a joker.
For deep inside lies the heart of a servant,
And not a money grubbing, slimey banking nasdaqing serpant.
But he feels he is doing what is best,
So I must learn to accept him and not jest.
Sometimes I have a crush on him,
and other times that passionate light is dim.
Coleman wants to own a ski resort,
and I will probably end up in DC on a port.
So he will be in Colorado and I in DC,
If we ever got together then where would we be?
I am resigned, therefore,
to appreciate him for all he is and to shut that door.
His grammar sucks ass
but he has an amazing laugh.
I'm glad we are friends and I would miss him if I moved,
but God does what God wants. Coleman, what a dude!

Ok I am laughing but that just made me cough. And coughing makes my nose run. So there you go, you dork, I wrote a damn poem and it's lame as hell. No more "I'm only on there 4 times and only in reference as Jordan's friend" out of you! And just so you know, we don't call Jordan Jordan. We refer to him now as flem, although you'd better have Heather explain that to you. Also, if you read into that poem i will dump hot coffee on your head and down your pants. Good night I am sick.

feel free to ignore my rant

some shit is going down with my bro and it just makes me think maybe i won't end up in DC. maybe i should go to a european country that has free healthcare and where guns are illegal. that would be nice. sometimes i feel so much anger for this country and i want to leave. people say well if you hate it so much you should go. that's a stupid thing to say. leave my family? leave my home? leave my country? magically have the money to live somewhere new with a new visa? it's easy to say "just leave if you're pissed" rather than to actually think for yourself. also, it's also easy to get angry without ever having to do anything, so that's a given issue for me.

but seriously, why the fuck is health care only available to rich people? if you're poor in this country you are fucked. what do you do with no health insurance when you have something terrible go wrong? in india they have indentured servitude. here we have those check into cash assholes. what's the difference? and we have rich white people in suburbs blaming poor people for their own problems. as if they know anyone ever who has had to deal with having no health insurance. it's like people who don't get gay people. well of course not, dummy, do you have any gay friends? you know, thinking about this all makes me want to be somewhere else. maybe dc is a good idea. it's pretty diverse there, although as usual in a city, all of the "minorities" are quarentined to one section. living here has desensitized me to a lot of things. people are sheltered, especially me, who serves $5 drinks to little girls with coach purses and chanel sun glasses. argh. this world is so fucked up it just gets to me sometimes. i'm so thankful for god's sovereignty and justice.

Ok friends, I need your help here. Check out this job description and tell me if you think I would kick ass at this job. If you tell me I'm underqualified, like the FLEM did, I will take out my trusty sander and sand off your reproductive organs because you are too dumb to need them. That's right! But please let me know because this could mean I'm outta here in a few months or so.

http://216.26.190.51/IJMhr/Regional_Asst_Africa.pdf

I expect comments from the following:
Heather
Andrea
Steve
umm...is that really all I can think of? Jamelyn? Jess? DO it!

Haven't written for a while. Nothing on the brain that I actually feel like writing about. There is still the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that I need a new job but have no idea what to do about it. That's pretty much always there.

I meet with Renae today and I think I am going to call it quits. I don't know what to talk about when I go and I never really want to go anyway. If you don't want to go, you shouldn't go otherwise you get nothing out of it. And that's pretty much what's going on there.

Heather says it's period time this weekend. That sucks to know when it comes. I never do other than my boobs start to hurt. But now that I know I will double- guess all my actions. Meh.

Work is ok. I still love working there most days but the money as we all know isn't cutting it. One of my coworkers called me a tool last night and it really hurt my feelings. I was doing something that this person isn't trusted to do, even though it is in their job description. I was doing the order, which I love doing. It's fun and it's nice that Sandra allows me to shake things up and not just make coffee or sell coffee.

Then it was the Oscars, which were pretty damn unimpressive. Heather eating her fingernail off cause she lost a bet was pretty funny. "Now I'm making it even!" Hahaha. Addie keeps running upstairs which makes me think she's eating something she shouldn't be. And I call her down and instead Jasmine runs over and jumps on me. The workers have already left for the day! Bitchin! Oh damnit, I need to call my brother.

Now there's a reason for a paragraph break if ever. Josh....Oh boy. And not thinking about it means not writing about it means end of paragraph.

Oh damn, I just realized that since the workers are gone, Dad is going to expect me to get this sanding done. I hate sanding. I doubt it will take long. Better pour some more coffee and start sanding.