I do NOT have a nimple or a pipple!

HI!
Well tonight after I met with Renae (we are now meeting every other week) Hollie and I decided we'd buy some whiskey. So we did. It was funny. We were laughing about if I had been pulled over. It'd look something like this:

Cop: Where are you coming from?
Me: Therapy
Cop: Where are you going?
Me: Liquor store
Cop: Do you have a job?
Me: No
Cop: How are you paying for the liquor?
Me: My Jesus Easter money

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Now I know a cop wouldn't be that nosey but it was funny nonetheless. So Hollie wanted the whiskey to make hot toddies. But we read the ingredients. Gross. So we decided on Manhattans. That was a bad idea too. So it's good ole' Diet Rite and Whiskey for me! Hollie has gone to bed but not ME! I thought I'd have another. This is great. My Shiraz night was a bust so I thought I'd make up for it and boy howdy I have.

Hm. So what does one write about when one is not entirely sober? Well sir. Hm. Whiskey reminds me of high school. We used to take shots of JD at lunch. Actually, I think it was Gordon's, which consequently is not whiskey at all. While I was walking Jasmine a few days ago I was thinking about that girl I used to drink with in high school. She peed in a bush. I hate that girl.

I am going to add another thing to my list. If I was famous I would (a) not only wear fake eyelashes all the time, but (b) oh fuck, I already forgot. HAHAHAHAHA What was I going to say?! If I were rich................................................... I give up. I cannot remember. I'm looking back at what I wrote about and I cannot possibly make any connection between thinking about Caroline pissing in a bush and me being famous. Well anyway, I guess the list still has one thing on it. I would LOVE to wear fake eyelashes all day long. I would be hot.

HEY! Speaking of hot! So I went to Weeklyworldnews.com and I wanted to enter myself into the "page 5 girl" contest. HAHAHA I am totally hotter than those skanks! I could DEFINITELY be a page 5 girl! Wouldn't that rule?! I would brag about that for sure. "Ya, I was Weekly World News' Page 5 Girl." I went to the application part and they actually have a box for you to answer why you would want to be the Page 5 Girl. What the hell kind of dumb ass question is that anyway?! OK I have run out of things I want to blob on about. Blob, blab, bloob. HAHAHAHAHA! A nimple!!! I had a nimple on my face in my dream!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This is a stompy. They're my friends.

Here comes Peter Cottontail, Hoppin' Down the Bunny Trail!

Oh damn, my cake rules. It's three layers and took me 4 hours to make. My mom says it's a (our last name) Hall of Fame Cake. Apparently we are going to take pictures. Aww shucks. I had some REALLY fucked up dreams last night. Well, the one where I was selling Berto's jeep wasn't so bad but the one where I had a giant pimple on my face was the weirdest. You know why? BECAUSE IT WAS A NIPPLE!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHH!!!!
Hahahahaha.
I'm cool.

ps- While my masterpiece was baking I was reading The Brothers K again. (My dedication to this book has lacked some ferver.) It made me tear up again. So the author intersperces (I need spell check) these prayer times with other stuff because he's an awesome writer. And each kid takes a turn praying at dinner. So last night it was the oldest kid's turn and he starts his prayer like, "Dear God, if you Exist..." But the mom freaks out and yells crap like "Get thee behind me, Satan." And he keeps yelling out his prayer, sometimes with sarcastic crap that is hilarious. So this makes her madder and madder and she starts pounding him. Anyway, later he tells his brothers what exactly he was going to say in his prayer. It was amazing. I love it. "Welcome to Mario Kart!!!! Select your player!"

this is seriously bizarre. all i wanted was to find a current pic of lauryn hill. i think my fav. is katie holms or nicole kidman.

I am booty-licious.

Well sir, I think I'd like to get nice and drunk tonight. It's too bad this Shiraz tastes like ass, otherwise I'd move onto something more interesting. That's right, today has sucked ass. It was miserable. I found myself hiding under my covers crying at 4pm. Gross. That is not a good sign at all. Last night my mind wouldn't stop racing so I wrote a whole bunch. Fortunately, I did fall asleep finally. So much to my surprise and wonder, there is a follow-up Zelda game to the one I just schooled. So I was going to get it today but Hollie didn't want to go. And that just made me feel like utter shit. I'll try to explain. If I want to leave the house all I have is Hollie, and I'm her back-up. I don't even have one goddamn friend to call to go shopping with. Not to mention the problem that I am shopping to buy a fucking video game that will suck my time up like an ex of mine. So that just made me feel so sorry for myself I had to squirt a little. I know I'm being sarcastic about it all but seriously, it was pretty depressing. I know I rule but it made me feel like such a loser. Well, actually, I don't think it lowered my self-esteem at all. It just sort of made me lonely as hell. That's a good way to put it. Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better now. I ate some delicious pasta and am continuing to drink wine. I am also making this incredibly difficult cake for tomorrow. If it were my number one choice, I'd make a fucking lamby, but we already bought the ingredients for this cake. There are 4 sections for it: the cake batter, the frosting, this syrup that is soaked up by the batter, and this filling. Damn. And would you believe that this retarded cake uses 9 eggs? Sweet baby Moses in a straw basket! This cake has anuploidy. Oh! And my dad is going to pay me to give our house a fixer-'er upper! I am going to take down all the wallpaper and paint! YES! That is what I am talking about! There is one problem. He said the first 20 hours are free, like in exchange for me living here and crap. That's bull plop, so I will have to change his mind. My mom has bronchitis. I feel so bad for her. She's such a wee lady and her stomach muscles are killing her every time she coughs. Wait a second. She didn't go to classes last week. Was she on spring break? Meh.

I am on here waiting for the eggs, buttermilk, and something else, oh yes butter, to be at room temp. Can I microwave a carton of eggs? Peut-etre non. Hollie and I have this joke about that. We say, "pewt etraaaa." It's funny, you'd have to be there. Or here. Man this Shiraz is booty-licious, and that's the bad kind of boot-licious. When I did the Habitat thing this woman was wearing a shirt that had "Bootylicious" spray-painted on. Hell yes. I'm going to watch Being Julia later tonight. I hope it doesn't suck. Both my mom and dad said the story was shit, although the movie was very well-done. Ok. I am going to buy some music now.

Jason rules.

Doooopa dooopa doo da da da and something low low low

I saw The Incredibles tonight. Pretty funny.

I got this AWESOME package in the mail from Diane today! I was very touched by the Easter card that had been signed by Louise, Lianne, Diane, Jo, Z, Jenny, Batina and even Stephanie. It was sad too. Jenny said something about my Jesus cow. Does she have it? I was wondering where that thing went... I also got some cds too as well. YESssss!! Of course since there was no padding one cd broke, which was a good thing because it was the Damien Jurado cd, not a fav. of mine at all. The drunk cd is SAFE! YESSsss! Hollie goes, "I thought you said Diane was smart." HAHAHAHAHA! Boo-ya! I actually retold the story about ass face mc baldy dallas seminaryaton the tutorial leader to Hollie today. Diane: Actually, when Turkey was the Ottoman Empire in.... David shit head mc asshole: Very well-thoughtout answer. Does anyone else have any thoughts? I hate that guy. David stupid Norszxcek mc i have 5 kids and all are homeschooled by my submissive and stupid wife who asks me what to believe in. Ok. Judgmental time over.

So thanks to Diane for the wee package and special card that I will save forever! I am totally listening to the drunk cd in a bit. I did NOT see Mad Town of Bedlum or whatever, though!!!!! And is the Tom Bombadil song on there? What about all my pics on your puter, Missy? You know I don't have them because I erased them. All my Scotland pics and yours too. I want I want! But you wait cause I'm sending you provisions!
Ok, this is turning into an email.

There is this church in Little Rock that is all about racial reconcilliation. For 400 people, they have 7 different worship groups. Isn't that wild? I read this short blurb about it in CT. Doooopa dooopa doo da da da and something low low low. That's the Greenday song from the Drunk Cd. And we're going to get high high high. There you go. When we're low low low. Oh well. It's the being drunk and bouncing/swaying part that I like. HAHHAHAHA we seriously did THAT for 3 hours without getting up. LOL!! oh my.

Did I write how I went to this thing called Axis at this church? If I did oh well. Anyway, they sent me an email about this small group to join. I will probably go and check it out. At the service deal on Sunday night that I went to they really wanted to try something new so what they did was have all 700 of us (this is just their 20-somethings service, that's how fucking huge this place is) put on blind folds and walk down this long hallway while holding onto this rope. While we'd be walking they had actors yelling things at us. It was so that we would have a better sensitivity to Jesus' vulnerability and experience as he carried the cross. Obviously, it wasn't to "put ourselves in Jesus' shoes," but to experience something out of our comfort zones. Let me tell you, it wasn't a bad idea at all. So it took me some nerve to go to Axis in the first place and I was a bit nervous too when I first got there. I was like, you're seriously suggessting putting a blindfold on miss panic attack herself? what the hell are you thinking? so I just closed my eyes. I'm like, "Ya, I'm gonna pass on the blind fold." I was like who the hell fuck do you think I am? But I'm glad I stuck it out, cause I was thinking of leaving once they announced the blind folds. So anyway, after the walk experience we entered into this wood dome room..how do you spell that? Doam. Dome..weird. Anyway and the ceiling was pointy and there were 3 crosses (like on the Skull). And this guy with a nice voice was playing the piano and leading people in songs but we didn't have the words. I didn't sing a word. They sand one song that I actually like, which was nice to focus on. The time was very nice and quiet and reflective, which I appreciated. They were chorus songs but it was just nice to be there. Nice, nice nice. The girl next to me couldn't sing for shit, but I liked listening to her sing. I'm still not super into the worship style at all. It's too much like a concert. So we'll see. I'm not expecting anything. I want to take an art class. Yep. I sure do. I'm working on this lame ass bird feeder right now for my dad. As he's gotten older he's gotten weirder. He likes bird watching and has a bunch of bird feeders. He has this "Chicagoland Bird Watching" book too, and he puts post-it notes on the birds he's seen and writes the date and how many birds were there, etc. Shit like that about people is great. I'm glad I know stuff like that. Ok. blah blah blah blah dee blah dee blah.

Ya, so I had my crabby pants on the other day, as I am sure was noticable. But I still meant what I said, it just probably shouldn't have been typed but written. I like to save my angry whatnots for my journal. ANYWAY! I worked at OI the past two days doing filing. You guessed correctly, it sucked my left and right one. Oh ya, and speaking of ovaries, I did get my period. I was surprised actually because I remembered that I had written it on my blog a month ago, and I never keep track of when it comes so I looked and it was exactly 30 days. How do you like that?! Oh wait, but Feb. only has 28 days in the month. Oh well. Um..nothing new to write at all. I have to go to the post office but I keep putting it off. Oh ya, so I did this filing. The filing was for the Network Office and the CEO of it brought in his files from home in SUITCASES! So I had to go through suitcases full of papers from '96 and '97 mostly. I have 4 big boxes full of papers for recycling. They weren't going to recycle and I just felt terrible about that so I loaded these boxes into the car and now they are in the garage waiting for next Monday morning. Of course when I was loading them they blew all over so I was running all over the parking lot picking up the crap. Ok, it's Addie's dinner time and she is going bonkers.

And Andrea came tumbling after....

Well tonight I finally beat Zelda. It wasn't too hard at all actually. It was really easy, the last level I mean. I also saw Luther, an ok movie. On the spectrum where "ok" is in the middle, and "super" and "shit" are on the ends, it would probably be close to "ok" but on the "shit" side, if that makes sense. I don't feel like going into it.

I am continuing to love and adore The Brothers K. This man's writing is amazing. I both was laughing and in tears last night reading it. There is this one part about this poor girl with a cleft pallet, whose parents believe that it is her "cross" to bear, so they will not allow doctors to operate. The main character's family members discuss what this all means. One says that as Christians we must help her bare her cross (or bear it as I like to imagine). But another son responds by asking what the hell does this possibly mean? That they are to beat everyone up for laughing at this girl? That they are to flirt with her to make her feel better? Or just say "we must help her bare her cross" because it's the easiest solution without having to help in any way. Finally, the last son interjects by saying that Jesus was crucified by his enemies and not by Mary and Joseph. His cross wasn't an ornament but a murder weapon. Damn, I was crying. Just thinking of that girl, Vera, and her stupid dumb-fuck parents, who, like this kid says, either really don't understand Jesus, or are terribly evil. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate injustices like that! And this whole case in the news about the woman who has been a vegetable for the past 15 years and whose husband finally ordered the feeding tube to be removed. All these Republican politicians making it their personal goal to save her because they refuse to be anything but pro-life. What a game. (I could more clearly explain the correlation between the two but I don't want to because tangents are better than tying up loose ends.)

I walked Jasmine down this main Illinois path today. There weren't many people so I let her off the leash and she ran and ran. I listened to Lhasa de Sela. In sum, the album is between "ok" and "super." Anyway, it was awesome to walk alone and watch Jasmine having the time of her life. It was good to be a witness of that.

Hollie is being interviewed tomorrow for her church. They wanted her to come with a prepared outline on what she'd like to talk about. "Do you think they'd mind eight pages?" she asked at dinner. Mom wanted me to pray again at dinner and I said no, again. I hate that. I just knew she'd ask too. I don't mind them praying at all, but I just can't do it. If I'm not praying at all I don't want to spew out some random, thankful prayer, even though I am definitely thankful for the food and for my mom who made it, etc. etc. It just doesn't feel right.

I had the most awful thought the other night. Hollie was out at a bar on St. Patty's Day and I was thinking about what would happen if she died. I realized I wouldn't have a friend in the world. It made me more angry than sad actually.
I hate it when people tell me that I'm their goddamn best friend, or even their "good" friend because they fucking disappoint the hell out of me. I don't want any best friends because when you think you actually need them for once they couldn't give a rat's fucking ass. I would have to say when I left Knox I left believing I had four or five very close friends. What a pile of Jurassic Park dinosaur "that's one big pile of shit" shit. I don't want anyone to be in my life right now and I'm not jsut saying that because I'm feeling wordy, or because...

Period Time's a comin'. I can tell in my attitude and in my boobs. Man, I don't know what to say. Um.

My dad told me tonight that this addition that they were planning on (before the estimate arrived), included a jaquoozzi (ya, I'm not even going to pretend like I know how to spell that word). Too bad. I sure do love to sit in a ton of water, although I personally believe that we should fix the minor problem of being able to see into the basement through the slats of wood in the diningroom floor when the lights are on.
Ya, I just feel like shit right now so I'm going to stop this. Posse out.

I bought this cd today. It is by Lhasa de Sela, who is a Mexican-American. The reason I mention this is because her 12 songs are sung in English, Spanish, or French. I read about her in an article in the Trib and bought the cd for Diane but it ended up costing me an ass load so I just burned her a copy :) and I know she won't mind receiving it plus the original jewel case minus the slip cover!! I got her other pretty things today anyway.
Anyway, so far it's not so bad at all. Berto would absolutely love it. Too bad I haven't talked to him since New Years. I only listened to the first 30 seconds or so of every song. The article said it's a mix of Billie Holliday, Tom Waits, and Radiohead. What I did notice is that although her voice is definitely the most prominent feature of the songs (I hope this statement makes sense), each song sounds very different. A lot of the Spanish-sung songs sound more, oh crap, a word I can't spell, acquostic, while the French-sung songs sound French. With accordians or something? And some songs have a lot of computerized sounds like newer Radiohead. So it's very interesting and soothing. Her voice is very deep, thick, heavy, diaphramic, you know? Very alto, which I love. I'll let you know about the lyrics once I listen more carefully. And if I feel like writing about it. Ok good bye. Geeze.

So this is a painting by Waterhouse of Diogenes, a philosopher who makes me laugh and laugh, despite being cool. Anyway, I am planning on buying a print of this painting. I love it. Here is a wee tid bit on Diogenes:

"Diogenes did little 'pure' philosophising, but sought to live an exemplary life of autonomy. He lived in a wine-cask and is said to have taken enormous pleasure in his anti-luxury and all that he did. He declared Plato's lectures a waste of time. Plato had defined Man as a "featherless biped". Diogenes plucked a fowl and brought it into the lecture room with the words "Here is Plato's man!" - in consequence of which "...with broad nails" was added to Plato's definition.
[...]
Insofar as Diogenes was known as the Dog throughout Athens, at a feast certain people kept throwing all the bones to him as they would to a dog. He, understanding that dogs in their simple humility are the pinnacle of evolution as we in our complex arrogance are not, played a dog's trick and urinated on them. It is said that Diogenes trampled upon Plato's carpets with the words "I trample upon the pride of Plato", who retorted, "Yes, Diogenes, with pride of another sort." "

Isn't he great? He lived in a tub in the middle of the town and yelled at people. He threw his poop at them too, and I also read that he masturbated in public too, although you never know with internet "history." In that same article it said that he destroyed his water cup because he saw a boy drinking water with his hands. Ya I know this was a long time ago, but doing such a thing seems a little unnecessary.
Point is, this guy is super and definitely a wee bit on the nutty side.

My dad told me that the Heifer Project is going to have an attraction of sorts built on their property in Little Rock, which is going to be like a Third World village. Isn't that interesting? Little Rock is definitely on the map since that Bill Clinton Library or whatever has opened, and Heifer wants people to be able to see what poor communities look like when they visit the area. I was joking about it with my dad .We were wondering if they were going to fly in some poor people and have a guy with a sandwhich sign and a pointer! selling poor people figurines and stuffed-animals. Hotdogs would be a good addition too! Or maybe foo foo dogs. HAHAHAHAHA But ya, I think it's a great idea! All those rich people going to Latin America, etc. They don't want to see a village without a sewer system or electricity. I think if done correctly, this could really be something, and I definitely respect what the Heifer Project does. So we shall see. Not that I looked a whole ton, but I didn't see anything about it on their website.

Anyway, I don't want to solve poverty by sitting outside in a tub throwing my shit at people. I'm saving that for my husband. That's the moral of this story. hahahahahahahaha

I would like these. Too bad they are $160.

So how much would you pay me to wear these kick ass "white smooth" shoes?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Dear Lord, they are horrid!!

Here is Addie looking like Yoda and/or an Ewok. HAHAHA! Look at her stupid under-bite!

Well it seems like it's been a while since I've written. Nothing too new to report, tho I'm sure I'll find something to blab on about. Aunt Bonnie and BR are both gone for good now. I have sold-out to the corporate world by applying to Caribou Coffee (I'm hoping for manager). In my defence, however, I would also like to say I am applying to the Heifer Project in Little Rock with the intent to move there. I just posted some cute pics of the dog and of me!

Oh! We got a new car! The Honda broke down. Nor more Honda, except for it's in the driveway. Anyway, so you will not see me driving a '92 Honda Accord anymore! Instead, I will be driving a freaking 01 Ford Ranger pick-up. Wow. And the cool part about it is that the back part opens up like a real hood, it makes the shwwsshhh sound and everything! And it's silver. I like silver cars. And it smells like cigarettes. Man, I want to smoke a few 10-20 cigarettes. mmmmmmm Did you know that for every 300 cigarettes made, one tree is cut down? Crap, I have destroyed me some trees. Good thing I don't smoke anymore. mmm....

Hey, how come no one commented on Dickinsheets?! I am offended!
Anyway. I met with Renae tonight. You know, cuz it's Monday. She is so awesome. Tonight she had listened to a song and brought it for me to hear. She is all about peoples' different learning/thinking processes. Like some people listen to music, write, sit in the woods, sing, be artsy, etc. So she brought me a song. It was so sweet! Not the song, it sucked, but the thought of bringing it to me was sweet. Alright, the lyrics were good and I didn't feel awkward listening to a song with her.

I need a good book, any recommendations? Hey, suck that, I totally spelled recommed correctly! I know how to spell it! Plus, I also know how to spell commission. COMMISSION! 2 M's 2 S's and 2+2 =4, I rule. My yes, some cigarettes and a shit load of beer. That is what I would like to have in my body right now. Maybe gin and tonics. That reminds me of that one night in Scotland when Louise, Lianne, Diane and I all played cut-throat UNO together and we drank a whole bunch. We drank Marion's Archers and we had those nasty Scottish liccorish thingys. Not me tho, and not the blue one either-I don't drink anything blue. Diane was taking shots of gasoline, I mean petrol, I mean rum. I remember yelling out the window but I don't remember what at. Some guys probably. Oh and that shitty fucking guitar player! So Diane is 21 and I'm 22 and since we were international students we had to live with the freshmen in the goddamn dorms. And there was this scrawny little 17 year old boy who would turn his amp on really loud and open his window, turn on a shit 90's cd and play along. You can imagine the type of kid, long hair but nerdy, not at all clean. Jeans that aren't long enough, bad posture, big floppy clod-hopper feet. Poor dumb ass kid. Ya, I made fun of him to his face. HAHAHAHAHA!! I think I also put a lighter in the air too. I could have yelled at him that night. I know it wasn't during the day, cause I would have had my whole body out the window throwing bread to the stompies. Didn't Louise throw some weird shit out the window, Diane? Nothing suitable for a bird, I'll say.

Now onto Zelda. So I totally fucked up my first try by stupidly losing my Gordon tunic and unknowingly not killing the thing that ate it to get it back. So I started over but this time I got a horse! I love my horse! Last night when I couldn't kill Bonga Bonga, I warped out of there by tooting my ocarina, and I rode Epona around Hyrule Field. HAHAHAHA! I gotta beat this game so I can go back to being a normal intelligent human who reads books. This game is just so damn fun. Plus, I was going to read this book my mom RECOMMENDED but Diane told me it was sad, which, added to my mom's description of the book (i.e. it being sad), I decided not to read it. I'm reading a psych book now sort of. But who wants to read about "changes that heal" when there is Zelda to be played?! Not me. Ok, well I have rambled on quite long enough.

In my house we take pictures of the dog when she is doing anything remotely cute. Here, she is sitting on her butt like a real human...like me!

#1.) Read this, it's funny: http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/10906740.htm
Some people think I'm superficial because I don't want to marry a bald man and if I see he's bald he's getting a goodbye from me.
Screw those people.

#2). Back to Dave Dickinsheets. Seriously. DICKINSHEETS!!! Not Dichencheetze of Dickanshees or something like that. I mean DICK IN SHEETS! If I could draw on here and show you what it looks like and why it's so funny I would, but we a) don't have a scanner, and b) I think you can picture it yourself.

DICKINSHEETS!

I am Gidget Chickenjuice!

So I got this email from Diane and I think it's great:

"The following is an excerpt from a children's book, "CaptainUnderpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by DavePilkey: The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names... Follow theinstructions to find your new name.

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:

a = poopsie b = lumpy c = buttercup d = gidget e = crusty f = greasy g = fluffy h = cheeseball i = chim-chim j = stinky k = flunky l = boobie m = pinky n = zippy o = goober p = doofus q = slimy r = loopy s = snotty t = tootie u = dorkey v = squeezit w = oprah x = skipper y = dinky z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half ofyour new last name:

a = apple b = toilet c = giggle d = burger e = girdle f = barf g = lizard h = waffle i = cootie j = monkey k = potty l = liver m = banana n = rhino o = bubble p = hamster q = toad r = gizzard s = pizza t = gerbil u = chicken v = pickle w = chuckle x = tofu y = gorilla z = stinker Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second halfof your new last name:a = head b = mouth c = face d = nose e = tush f = breath g = pants h = shorts i = lips j = honker k = butt l = brain m = tushie n = chunks o = hiney p = biscuitsq = toes r = buns s = fanny t = sniffer u = sprinklesv = kisser w = squirt x = humperdincky = brains z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.

Oh this is a funny story. So my brother is renting a room in this guy's house and there is a ton of construction going on there. They are going to paint this wall, so without asking his landlord, Josh painted a body for this nice boar's head. HAHAHAHAHA AWESOME!

Here is Josh standing next to a new painting of his. I like it but I am a little critical of her nose. Her eyes are big, her mouth is big, what's with the nose? I love it otherwise.

My dad was on a business trip in Arizona and he visited my bro. Here they are, aren't they cute? And yellow?

This is a new dog breed called a Puggle. It is a mix of a pug and a beagle and they think that they can ask $600 or so for this mut. You know why? Because people are dumb asses. This is a mut. Boo-urns on whoever decided to make this a real breed. I am going to check the AKC and have a wee peaky to see if it is really real because it better not be. Ok, I was right, definitely a mut.

I saw this movie, did I mention that? It was amazing. Please buy it for me and mail it to me.

I wanna be, wanna be like George.

Today was just freaking super duper. And by super duper I mean shit. I met with Renee, which was nice as always. I also took this test at findmyspot.com or something like that. It tells you where in America you should live. My number one was in Hot Springs, Arkansas, a place that is in the 100 best small art towns in America book. In fact about 85% of my top 20 places to live were in Arkansas. Interesting...considering Heifer Project is in Little Rock. Maybe I will be able to go with my dad, although I don't think he ever goes to the Other Kansas.

So anyway, tonight with Renee was really great. There were a bunch of high lights. First, I am an idealist. I am very sensitive to the way a thing should be, if that makes sense. With myself, God, people, places, things, vegetables, minerals. I know how things should be but also that they can't be perfect, so I feel lost. Second, that life is what it is and God will be there with me. Shit is shit, right? Why do I have to turn it into something else all the damn time? Third, and this is awesome. Fuck quiet times!!!! Isn't that awesome?! I was talking about spiritual disciplines and Renee said, "you are probably referring to traditional bible reading and prayer times. That obviously didn't work for you. What may work best for you is to share your favorite times with God and experience him there. Like a lot of people have their 'quiet times' in nature, or doing art, or singing, or listening to music, etc." Is there a bible passage that says sit quietly for 30 min a day, praying for 2 non-believers and yourself? Fuck no. But I've heard if you don't do your quiet times, bam, you're screwed. How did I ever believe that?! So I thought about the times that I have grown the most with God, just the two of us. And I can remember once while I was running and basically any time I am alone in a forest or on a beach. Damn Intervarsity again! Ok third, I believe that I must do good in order for God to respond to me. Like, if I do my quiet times dilligently, God will be my best friend. Or if I don't "feel" or "hear" God (like there is a standard for that) I am not really saved. Fourth, I am both broken and redeemed and I just need to accept that. I have pretty much no acceptance of that whatsoever. And fifth, because I have enormous problems with trusting people, I don't trust God at all, and therefore I cannot achieve intimacy with him or hardly anyone. Ok there you go! Very brief, but pretty cool, eh? I think so. There's still the whole believing in God issue as well...

I'm working at OI tomorrow mailing their Quarterly. That'll be fun...not. I need a jobber. Real bad, like. I think I have to start Zelda all over because I lost my Fire Tunic dealy-wad and now I am fucked. What else? Maybe I'll rent a car and go to Arkansas. Hollie should have a spring break coming up here. Hmm.. I wanted to talk to Diane today, to call her up but I don't have her #. You would think I would since my # used to be that #, but nope, I never had it nor did my fammy. I dream about Scotland a lot. I miss it so much. I also realized I don't want to get a job here or make myself a social scene because the suburbs suck and I want to high-tail it right on out of here. If I stay, I will put roots down, and I'm real good at compromising what I want for other people. I also talked to Renee about Ian tonight. She was like, wow, you seem to have a lot of anger about that. You're damn right I do. Not at him, but at God and at me. That's where the whole, it is what it is, thing comes in. I love that. I am such a self-reflective, analytical, and now idealistic person. It is what it is. Take that. It is what it is. I love it. Ya, I am definitely feeling ready to move on out of here. But I have no monies. Oh poop, I have to work in 8 hours. How can I be like George Bush if I don't get 10 hours of sleep?

You are #2

I wrote a lot last night so I don't really have much to say that I feel like saying. I just got the "what are you going to do this week that you didn't do last week?" God damnit.

I was going to say how Hollie's best friend's neighbor's last name is Dickinsheets. No joke.

But now I am fucking pissed off.

J'aime bien le café!

Oh alright, I wasn't going to write but here I am. So I had another Scotland dream two nights ago. I was coming around the corner...the one away from the central building. Remember, you could see into those creepy guys' flat? Ew, and that Spanish guy...HAHAHAHA. Oh my...I can still hear Diane telling the Indian guy, "I'm done with you hitting on me," or something like that. And I got the Spanish guy. Gross. ANYWAY! So I was coming around that corner and I was there to surprise Diane. There was a crowd of people and someone told me she was over there and I looked and she was looking at me and we ran and hugged. She was wearing bright blue and it looked good.
Last night I had a dream about Jess. Ok so I am ashamed to admit it but last night during a commercial break for something I was watching, I saw Tyra Bank's Model dealy. Anyway, Jess and I in my dream were on this shit show. One of the models was telling the main guy how she didn't like other people talking to her about Jesus. Then Jess came forward and said if she had known it was going to be like this she never would have come. I told her people were always going to reject her because she liked Jebus; she didn't like that. So we went walking to this place where we were all going to observe and Jess and I got there before everyone else. Because we didn't follow the group we got totally booted. I then watched models' versions of it in their private interviews. Anyway, it's hard to explain but it was a weird story of anger and rejection. Dun dun dun.
I have nothing interesting to say right now. I haven't been reading anything because I'm hooked on Zelda, although there is a book that my mom says is beautifully written called In the Time of the Butterflies, by Julia Alverez, or something like that. I like well written. Did I mention I finally saw Shawshank Redemption? Apart from that one guy's suicide and the butt rape, it was phenomenal. And I'm not saying that because Judy and every other fucking member of that club says it. I'm saying it because it was just that.
BR has gone back off the deep-end now that Aunt Bonnie has left. After she left BR went to bed and when I went to bed at 2 she was still asleep. She's reading now. I know it doesn't sound like deep-end, but it is. She is an extrovert too, can you believe that? Oh ya! My pirate boat is looking kick ass! I keep getting glue all over myself but I have missed the days that I am covered with some form of artistic medium, so this is great to have paint and glue all over my hands.
Did I also mention that game I invented using the Cinnamon Toast Crunch box? Well! The box had a free DVD on it and when you took it out there was a perfect circular hole. My mom had bought chesnuts for Christmas for I don't know what reason. Now she keeps them in a nice bowl thing. So put the two together, it's a fun game. Hm...maybe I should call it "Hit the person running with the slipper part II."
I got another "you're becoming a scary bum" talking from my mom yesterday. Seriously, I have no idea what to do still. I think about it a lot and it stresses me out. I just don't want to work! My best excuse is having to share 2 cars with 4 people, one who works full-time. I just don't know. And I'm being serious now. It's not like, oh I dunno. It's more like, shit, what the hell am I supposed to do?

J'aime bien le thé!

The dogs ate an entire bag of carmel filled Hershey Kisses. You should have seen the bag-the rip down the side was better than even I could do. Jasmine looked bloated, but I swear, that dog could eat an entire garbage truck (truck included) and still be running around like a headless chicken. Addie on the other hand, she got pretty damn sick. Her tummy blew up and was hard as a rock and when I lightly touched it she made her grandma noise. She was also shaking like a leaf. Then the puke started. Oh my. She drank so much water, which was a good thing, but it was gross! It was like her puke had a placenta. Did I mention that when I found the bag to the Kisses I did not find any wrappers? That's because they ate all of them. So ya, that was in the placenta too. I finally punted her downstairs like a football at 2:30 and called it a day.

Aunt Bonnie is leaving today. I like her and wish she wasn't going, but they have a wedding to plan and a home to live in. BR is getting nutty again now that Aunt Bonnie is leaving. I really hate this imperfect world.

dun dan du du du du da daaaaaaaa!!!

Ya, so that is totally the tune to Zelda, the game I am schooling on N64! It is so fun. I am here at OI right now but all I want to do is go home, poop, change into my jammies, throw Jasmine, poke Addie, say hello to Hollie and everyone else, and play ZELDA! YA! Anyway, I must admit I am totally cheating. I have a 17 page cheat sheet I printed from online. It tells you everything, step by step. It is totally necessary. I mean, they tell you to go one place, but really you have to go somewhere else. What a bunch of lying 2-dimentional shits! So I try to figure it out as best as I can then I cheat. It's more fun that way anyway, so suck it.
I went to the Soweto Gospel Choir with Hollie, Mom, Dad on Sunday night. They won for best gospel choir in 2004. They were AMAZING! Hollie loved it because a lot of the songs they sang, she sang when she was in Durbin. Too bad the lady in front of us smelled like piss. Dad took my hand lotion and wiped it under his nose. Pretty obvious, eh? Ya, I thought so too. But seriously! She reaked! And in the car after he said she kept farting so her piss smell kept wafting. WTF?! That is what I have to say...w....t...f....! hahahaha. Oh Diane...Like woah...
But ya, they were so great. I recommend (I learned to spell that word finally!) you check them out.
http://www.sowetogospelchoir.com/
I had a good talk with Renee last night, really good. She is so awesome. We talked a lot about my mom and her relationship with my brother, and how she wasn't able to care for me the way she wanted to. Also, that her moods created an unstable living enviornment. Lots more too, naturally. No tears this time, so no chocky cake. Hollie made me a sandwhich for lunch today. She cut it sideways, awww, and put it in a zip lock baggie and wrote, "Ange's Sangy." LOL aww. Ok, ta ta!